Dating and Sexual health: How to Keep your Vajayjay Safe!

Dating and Sexual health: How to Keep your Vajayjay Safe!

by Sapphic Roots


Don’t you just love those first few weeks of dating someone new? You can’t stop texting silly questions. They occupy all of your thoughts. You want to find ways to spend all of your time with them. And then, there’s the potential for sex! Yes! You imagine how their body feels, smells, taste. It gets to be unbearable at a certain point, and all signs point to go. But wait, who is this person beyond the sexual chemistry that you feel with them? Who were they before you ever knew them? Who were they with? Wouldn’t it be wonderful to be able to experience each other without also having to worry about the dreaded sexual history talk? This is a talk that people sometimes avoid for a variety of reasons. Some people think it’s nosey to ask such personal questions of someone they barely know and sometimes you just don’t want to ruin the sexy vibe. Although that’s understandable, I imagine getting a Sexually Transmitted Disease  (STD) from a new partner would be even more of a downer than asking them when their last sexual encounter was.


I know it’s hard to have this talk, but for your own sexual health and safety and that of others you may be involved with in the future,  it’s an incredibly important conversation to have.


When does one initiate a conversation of this importance?  


Definitely before you begin ripping off each others clothes. Remember, many STDS are spread not just through the genitals, but through saliva and other fluids as well. That means for all intensive purposes, you can get an STD even through just kissing! Statistics show that womyn who date only womyn tend to have a lower risk of transmission of STDS and HIV than other populations; however, a “lower incidence” of transmission does not mean NO incidence of contracting an STD. Therefore,  it’s important to be careful and ask as many questions of your new potential partner necessary to make an informed decision about how far you want to go with them sexually.


How should this conversation occur?


It depends. Some womyn are more open and straightforward than others about these sorts of private matters. Don’t let this stop you from asking questions. Their resistance may help make your decision easier, actually.


Whether you ask them over the phone, through text, or in person, do your best to be as nonjudgmental and kind as possible. Reacting in a negative manner will likely make some womyn shutdown and feel uncomfortable sharing with you at all. We all show our sexual selves in different ways. One way is no better than others, just different. Also, be very clear with your questions to leave no room for misinterpretations or only “half truths” to be told.


What questions do I ask?  


This also depends on what’s important to you. Are STDS the most important or how many partners they have had?


One of the most important questions to ask to ensure you are prioritizing your sexual health is if this person has ever had any STDS and when. For some people, someone having an STD isn’t a deal breaker and it doesn’t have to be. Even with long term and life altering STDS such as HIV/AIDS and Herpes, there are safety precautions that can be made to ensure that transmission of a disease from one person to another is minimal,  i.e. dental dams, latex gloves and condoms.


Another important question to ask is when was the last time they engaged in sexual contact with someone (also inquire about gender of said person) and have they been tested since then? The answers to these questions may help you decide if you want to ask them to get tested before you engage in sexual contact with them. It’s always better to be safe rather than sorry. You can’t take back HIV or Herpes.


If you are at least willing to ask these few questions, it can allow you the peace of mind necessary to truly enjoy the sex and intimacy that comes with dating. And, in the end, it’s always your choice whether you decide to move forward sexually with your dating partner based on the information you have been given about their sexual practices. Don’t rely on someone else to keep your punanny safe, it’s up to you. By taking care of your own sexual health, you are in turn doing the same for your future partners and their partners and so on. And, that’s truly sexy.

Happy humping everyone!

Katrina Sanford, Psy.D & Sadiqua Iman, LMT

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